Question by Sassy Shibas- sea kittens = yum!: Throwing a baby shower for someone who hasn’t been met? Or maybe a social lunch?
Good morning! I have a bit of a decision to make and I’m unsure what to do.
My best friend (who has been in New York the past few years in the Army) is finally getting out and coming home. However, he got himself a girlfriend up there about 6 or 7 months ago and she is 15 weeks pregnant right now. I have been getting to know her through emails and I would really like to do something for her while they’re here (the plan is to visit here for a long weekend when he first gets out, then they’re moving to Georgia, where her family is, until the baby is born, then they’ll come back up).
I originally wanted to do a baby shower – not a big one, but one with the women most prominent in Will’s life…his mom and grandma, 3 sisters, myself, my mom and about 4-5 girlfriends that he hangs out with here. However, I worry about throwing a shower, because that would pretty much require people that have never met her to bring gifts. Granted, these people will be a pretty large part of her life when they permanently move back here, but I don’t want anyone to feel obligated.
Basically, I want to do something for her and make her feel that she will be welcomed into our community because I know she’s quite nervous about it. She WANTS a baby shower to meet and get to know these women so it’s not that I’m doing anything that would make her uncomfortable.
I just wonder whether it would be proper…it’s kind of a unique situation and though I’ve thrown several baby showers, I’m unsure of the correct etiquette for this kind of thing. Would it be better to have a nice lunch or social gathering where these women won’t feel obligated to bring a gift? However, though they don’t know her yet, they DO know Will and wouldn’t the baby gift be for BOTH of them?
So…social lunch or baby shower? And if you answer “social lunch”, if you have any ideas for that (what to do, where to go, what to call it), that would be great because I’m flying blind there!
*Sigh* It’s kind of confusing, I know, but if you can get through that and offer up your thoughts/suggestions/websites to look at for this kind of issue, it would be much appreciated!! And star for me if you think your contacts can help! And I’ll also come back with answers for any questions you may have before you can answer…
Ha…about involving the “baby daddy”…I was telling him about my idea and he said, “Hey, that’s cool, my brothers can just go get me drunk.” Didn’t even give me a chance to mention him coming as well, so he doesn’t seem too sussed about it. 
Of course, if he (or she) wants him to come, he should…but it sounds as though she wants to get to know these people without his influence and he wants a chance to get away and have some fun with his brothers (I doubt he’ll actually get drunk, but I know he loves “guy time” and this way he can do it without feeling guilty!).
Hi Eli! I guess I should point out that it wouldn’t be NOW…they won’t be here to visit until the end of November, which would put her just after 5 months pregnant.
She’s already registered for a few things, since her family down in Georgia wanted to know what she needed.
Don’t know if that stuff makes a difference, but wanted to clarify. Maybe some kind of gathering with a disclaimer that “you may bring a gift for the new bundle of joy if you would like”? Would that be appropriate?
Wow, Jm e…tell us how you really feel! No really, don’t hold back!
If you had read the whole question, you would have noticed that I’m talking about having it then because she will be meeting all these people then and they won’t be here when she is 7 or 8 months pregnant, which is WHY I was trying to determine what I should do for her because I would like to do something. She doesn’t HAVE a maid of honor because she’s not MARRIED, so someone needs to throw it for her. Otherwise, I am sure they would accomplish this task.
This is a matter of me wanting to do something kind for a new girl who should be welcomed. Your “traditional” thoughts on this aren’t really going to work here because it’s not a typical or traditional situation. Sounds to me as though you lack some class and tact of your own. Everyone is ALWAYS welcome to their opinion here, of course, and I welcome productive thoughts/ideas, but yours was unnecessarily vicious and angry. Perhaps you should work on that.
We are definitely talking about a baby shower! Apparently, until recently, the maid of honor normally threw the shower for the mom-to-be. It was kind of the last thing to transition the new bride into her new life and her wedding party helped with that. However, I don’t know about that…if I were the maid-of-honor, I would have to throw her bridal shower AND her bachelorette party AND her baby shower? How does anyone have any money left?
In my boyfriend’s family, there are several aunts, so they always throw the expecting mom’s baby shower. I think that’s a nice idea. However, as this girl doesn’t have any aunts here, it’s up to me!
Glad I’m not the only one who was baffled by the last poster.
Best answer:
Answer by ♥Lacie Belle♥
This is going to be short, but sweet 
I think the baby shower is a great idea! Wonderful way for her to get to know everyone that is an important part of her boyfriend’s life. Since they all are either family or close friends of Will; then I would think they would want to bring a gift for the baby anyway. Who doesn’t like to buy stuff for babies
~Just my opinion I’m in no way qualified to be the Etiquette Queen 
~~I’m sure my husband would rather hang himself than attend a baby shower…even if it was for our own baby He’d be out with his brothers getting drunk too Sounds like he’ll needs some “guy time” if he’s been away for a long time anyhow. Plus…like you mentioned; it’s better for her to get to the know the crew without him there. Again…JMO
~~~Umm…are we talking about a wedding shower or baby shower. I find it odd that people think a maid of honor from a wedding is the person “responsible” for holding a baby shower. Does that mean that unmarried couples are not “allowed” baby showers? I’m baffled!
LOL…I shall email my MOH from my wedding now; and let her know it’s her responsibility…meaning she’ll have to fly in from California to throw me a babyshower when I decide to have a baby She’ll be thrilled!
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