Question by Baby Girl has a broken heart: I’m so stressed out about everything in my life. I just want to die.?
Nothing has ever been good in my life. When I was born, I had a heart attack, and I had to have surgery, and my dad thought I was going to die, so he decided to protect his emotions, and just not care about me. That way when I die, he won’t be sad. Then 2 years later, my parents got a devorce. And my dad got custody of me and my older sister. But he didn’t want us because we interfered with his dates, so he gave us to his mom. She took care of us for a year, and then he thought he wanted us back, so he got us back, and on the weekends, he let us go see our mom, so he could take a break from us. One day, when I was 4, I was at my mom’s house for the weekend, and after she went to bed, her husband got up, and raped me, and his friends paid him to let them all have turns too. And then I told my real dad about it, and my step dad had to go to jail, and my mom thought I was lying, so she moved to Germany, and won’t talk to me. And then my dad decided to send us back to my grandma where I was kind of happy, but I went to a bad school, and the students hated me and a few tried to kill me sometimes. When I was 12, my dad got remarried, and moved in with my grandma and us, and then when he moved away again, we had to go with him. His new wife beat us all the time, and at first my dad would take up for us, but after a while, he stopped caring and decided to help her beat us. So I went through daily beatings even though I did nothing wrong, for the next 6 years, while I cleaned their house, and raised their 2 sons, giving up my childhood to raise 2 kids. Then when I was 18, my dad broke my ribs, and was about to kill me, so I got up and ran away (with broken ribs) to a friend’s house, where I stayed the night. The next day, at school, I found my boyfriend and asked if I could move in with him, and he said yes. So I did. And then 2 years later, we had a baby, and we were happy. And then I found out he was cheating on me with guys, and I’ve been going through hell ever since then. And I can’t leave because I’m German and I can’t get a house, car, job, or anything else. I can’t go back to my parents, so I’m stuck with him forever. And he is gone all day every day. He doesn’t buy me food or clothes or anything. Well, we get food, but I’ve been without for a few days before. And I’m still wearing the same clothes that I’ve had since I was 12. And my son gets stuff from my in laws, like clothes, toys, beds, and stuff. So he doesn’t go without, which is good. He sleeps with me because I get lonely, and he’s the only person that loves me. So it comforts me to be close to someone that I love, and he returns the love. So we do everything together, and I spend every second of my life with him. He’s 2 years old now. He is the only thing keeping me from killing myself, although I have attempted suiside a few times, but he keeps me from doing it so much. But all of the stress in my life is making me sick. Very sick. I have hallucinations. I get migrains all the time. I’m never in good health. I black out at least once a week, and each blackout usually lasts a few hours. And I’m so stressed that I can’t eat anything, and I can’t stop throwing up. I just don’t know what to do any more. I still want to kill myself, but then I can’t because if I do, then my son won’t have anyone, and my boyfriend will probably be too busy for him and give him away. And I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, so I have to stay alive for him, but its just so hard. And I can’t go to a hospital or theropy or councling or anything like that because I can’t drive, and my boyfriend won’t let me. So whatever I do, I have to do myself in my home.
Best answer:
Answer by Kale
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